I met Mrs. Smith's single son, Bob. And Joe. And Mark. And Herman...

My weekend. Wow. Really, wow.

I love my family! I do!

But seriously? My mother makes me go temporarily insane. She wants to make sure every piece of my life is in order.. and right now, that just isn't possible. She can't seem to get that I can only do the best that I can with what I have.

Plus.

Did you know that your life isn't complete without a significant other? Your life can't have an ounce of happiness without a partner for your life to stoke the happiness fire.


Obviously, this concerns my mother greatly since I am single.

Bummer.

No, really, bummer. It makes my life a little like speed dating every time I go home. She lines them up... and then parade them around.

Well.. the first guy to stop by, K., was a total sweetheart. Read "the shy, creepy guy, who never comes out of his room and has absolutely no social skills". I kind of liked him, but it wouldn't have worked out. He flinched when I went to hug him goodbye.. and you know I like hugs.

Later that day, B. stopped by for dinner. B. and I dated for a few years in high school, so needless to say, my mom made a real good choice bringing a blast from the past. (insert sarcasm here)

Brunch on Sunday was with the Carters. Let me tell you, friends, this was the absolute highlight of my weekend. The Carter son has been out of the closet for years. The Carters, of course, know. Everyone who sees the Carter son knows.....

except my mom.

Dear mom. Trying to set me up with the gay man was probably the most quality moment of my life. Why, you ask?

Besides the obvious entertainment value, I did actually try to explain to Mom that he was gay. Her response??

"Well, I never said S-E-X was important. And he seems really nice, friendly, outgoing. You could do worse."

Yes, Mom, thanks. I can see how I might do worse than tying my life to a man who "has a reputation with the ladies." (By ladies, I mean drag queens. and nope, not kidding)

:sigh:

Where is my prince charming? My single, non-recycled, socially adept, non-gay man....

Have you met Mrs. Smith's single son, Bob?

I've been truly blessed with a loving family. Sometimes it even freaks ME out how very Pleasantville we are.



Don't get me wrong — we have our problems and struggles. But all in all, I look back through my childhood and see love.

My mom is a wonderful, caring, generous woman. She's a truly great listener (a character trait that I believe skips a generation) and is always interested to hear what I have to say.

My dad dotes on me. I'll always be his little girl, and he's the one that told me if I really wanted to be a fairy princess when I grew up, then I should just do my best and see what happens. (Still waiting...)

My brother is the most brother-like guy you could have as a brother. In school, we didn't acknowledge each other.. at home we fought like cats and dogs.. in public, we stood up for each other. Now, we tolerate each other and are calling a kind of truce where we become friends.

So I'm going home this weekend to spend some time with the family. As much as I love them, I already know what's coming. At SOME point, my mom will begin to discuss so-and-so's son, who's single and amazing... yada yada yada.

I think her secret vice is embarrassing me in front of her friend's sons.

Look forward to hearing about my weekend.. and pray for me.

I hear they're hiring at McDonald's.

So I have this minor, itty-bitty problem. I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

Okay, that's a lie. I have no idea how to go about getting the job I desire.

That's much more realistic. Face it, in some businesses.. you have to "know someone" to get the job you want. Good resumes, follow-up calls, dropping things off in person, even sheer audacity with special "remember-me" schemes.. sometimes none of that seems to matter.

I don't think anyone prepares students for the reality of life after college, which is such a shame. After the kudos and slaps on the back from my professors... all of which said I had "such talent", it was a slap in the face to apply for job after job with no real response.

I think that college students would be better served with some kind of pre-graduation seminar on the trials and pitfalls of job hunting. Some kind of idea of how things work. And tips on how to NOT take things personally.

(I'm still open for those tips....)

Otherwise, you end up like me...

A decent job, that isn't close to what I was looking for in the first place.. and no clue how to take the next step.

It's almost Catch-22. They want you to have experience, but aren't willing to give you a position where you can gain that experience.

Tech Support

I've named this post "Tech Support" for two reasons:

1) I had the unfortunate experience of dealing with Dell's tech support last night.
and
2) I desperately need some tech support.

I got my cute little Dell desktop about five years ago. Since then, I've had a few problems... only one truly major one — I had to get a new hard drive put in.

So last night, my computer freezes up. I press and hold the master key, effectively shutting it down. I counted to twenty and then restarted my computer.

It boots up halfway, but then blacks out to its very own soundtrack. A whirring noise that builds up and falls off repeatedly. Almost sounds like my computer is an obscene phone caller.

Cool.

So I call Dell Tech Support. This might be mistake number one.. assuming I could get help.

Tech Support force me to put in a veritable plethora of codes, numbers, buttons, names, etc. before they'll even put me in the hold queue.

The hold queue takes over twenty minutes.

FINALLY, I speak to a person. This person was barely speaking English, and obviously reading off a script — all of which would have been FINE had I understood at all what was going on with my computer.

We were on the phone for nearly two hours.

She spoke to me as if I were an idiot, and I paid her the same courtesy. The best part of our conversation:

Dell Support: "Okay, get a pencil."
Me: "Got it."
Dell Support: "You've gotten a pencil?"
Me: "Yeah. Got it."
Dell Support: "A pencil or a ballpoint pen. You have this?"
Me: "Uh, yeah. Pencil. Got it. In hand."
Dell Support: "Now insert it into the back of your computer. Did the noise stop?"
Me: "In the back of my computer where?"
Dell Support: "Face the back of your tower. Insert the pencil in the back of the tower."
Me: "Yes, facing the back of the tower. Where?"
Dell Support: "Are you facing the back of the tower?"
Me: "Yes. I am facing the back of the tower. Where do I insert the pencil?"
Dell Support: "Next to the power cable. Insert the pencil."
Me: "It doesn't fit."
Dell Support: "Facing the back of the tower... next to the power cable. Insert the pencil. Did the noise stop?"
Me: "IT DOESN'T FIT."
Dell Support: "Did the noise stop?"
Me: "NO. The noise has NOT stopped. The pencil does NOT fit."
Dell Support: "It is the fan. You need a new fan. Please hold while I transfer you to the sales department."
Me: "WHAT? The pencil didn't fit! What do I do if I purchase a new fan and it doesn't fix it?"
Dell Support: "A new fan will fix the computer. I will transfer you to the Sales Department. Please hold."

So I hold. Two minutes later she says:
Dell Support: "Sassy? How is your day going?"
Me: "My day? Seriously? Not well."
Dell Support: "Your day is not going well. Because your computer is broken?"
Me: "Uhhh, Yes."
Dell Support: "Well, a new fan will fix this. Then you will have good day."
Me: SLAM. (Noise of the receiver hitting the cradle as I finally lose my temper and hang up on this deranged customer service representative.


I'm ready to buy a new computer anyway. Preferably a Mac, preferably pink. Preferably a laptop.
This way, I deal with Apple's customer service team (preferably not idiots) instead of Dell's group of unintelligible robots.

Any ideas on new Macs... or how to fix a PC that no one seems capable of fixing.. including tech support...?

Meet the Board Game Beauties

Yes, you read that right. I forgot to mention that I'm a super-nerd. (As if you couldn't tell!)

My fabulous three roommates and myself love, love, LOVE to play board games. We just never grew out of it.

So the four of us go by the entirely lovable moniker, Board Game Beauties. I thought I'd take a second to introduce them to you, as they play a large part in my life.






First, there's Mrs. Dee. I call her that NOT because of her attitude, but because she will be the perfect housewife. She actually LIKES to clean. :shudder: For her birthday, she wanted a top-of-the-line dishwasher that disposes of food while it cleans the dishes. I prefer jewelry.. but to each his own.






Next, there's my Ninja. Darling Ninja is so named for her uncanny ability to melt into the apartment and hide from us. Seriously. We never know if she's home or not. She slips around the apartment like.. well, like a ninja.




Lastly, meet Sissy. My fourth roommate and the one I'd have to say was most like me. We're a lot like sisters, in that we share certain traits and and characteristics, and are wildly opposite in others. For example. I get over a break-up with ice cream. She gets over it with sex. I think she enjoys her sex more than I enjoy my ice cream, but hey... what can I do?

Other than combine the best of both worlds... hmmm... ice cream and sex... hmm...

So those are my darling roomies. We love House, I Love New York, and Law & Order: SVU. We love cooking together and board games. We love the beach. We love drinking and playing cards for hours on end.


They're my support system and continue to make my life worthwhile when I'm ready to stick my head under a pink pillow and never come back out.

Sans Warcraft

So I've spent some weeks getting used to being single. My relationship is over.. it's time for me to embrace the art of being single and move on with my life.

Riiiight.

Have you ever noticed, my fellow newly singles, that everyone reminds you of your singleness? Well-meaning friends constantly ask if you're okay. Your mom calls to check up on you, see how you're doing "since that jerk made his bad decision that he'll regret for the rest of his life."

The rest of his life? Really? I highly doubt he'll regret losing me for the rest of his life. That's a really long time.

There is a secret part of me that would absolutely love for that to happen, though. Him to die of old age... still wishing he hadn't lost me. A fitting revenge for hurting my heart, right?

But life never turns out like that. He probably has a new girlfriend already. Blonde, great rack, somehow incredibly intelligent and witty. Great in bed, a triplet who enjoys adventuresome sex. THAT, my friends, is how the world seems to work.

The only really great thing about being newly single.. is that all your friends are willing to go out with you at your request. And you get the first pick of the hotties at the bar.

The World of Warcraft

This post is dedicated to the World of Warcraft. Not the game, but my ex, aptly named Warcraft for his unbelievable obsession with the game.




Warcraft is my most recent ex, and the only man to have ever held a key to my heart.
At this point and time, I'm sure he's lost it. He loses things, especially keys and wallets, cell phones and credit cards - you know, the things you actually need.

Anyway, Warcraft and I were a match made in heaven. We liked the same things (Nintendo 64, then Wii; tuna melts; the real fruit snacks that aren't super-gummy; roller-blading; scary movies; and cuddles) We spent many, many, many happy months together.

Then suddenly.. all of those interests we had in common disappeared. He only had ONE interest. This crazy-addicting video game called the World of Warcraft.

Now, don't judge me for hating this game. I played the game, I got myself a Priest and leveled her up. I made the effort to connect with my man, taking the time to be involved in an interest of his.

This worked for a little while, but then I was ready to do OTHER things together again.. like go outside. Eat. Sleep. Live. The only time I could see Warcraft was when I was playing the game with him.

Friends, I even went to the ultimate low.. I dressed up as a character from the game to entice him. As enticing as I am, his eyes only BRIEFLY flitted from the screen to give me the once-over.
His exact words were:

Warcraft: "Wow, babe, let me finish this raid.. and then I'll ravage you.... But only until 10:30. We're hitting Z tonight."
Me: "Seriously? I mean, seriously?!?"

I said that through tears, friends. So that's when I knew I had lost my relationship to a video game. Quality.

Unfortunately.. "knowing" it was over didn't really help. Being crazy in love, I was there for him through some tough times, he was there for me; we continued to ping-pong back and forth until a huge all-out fight where we don't even talk anymore.

Dane Cook said it best: "We can never just be adult and look at each other and go: "Hey, you know what... hey, come here for a second. Yeah. We're over, aren't we? Alright, you go that way, I'll go this way. It was good times." No, instead you're like "let me just stick around for five or six years and then we can end this thing violently, let's do that."

It's absolutely remarkable to me how people throw away relationships. I don't like when people are careless with my heart.

So that's my ex.

Moving on without him has been strange. Learning to live without having someone to do things with, go places with, eat dinner with (not that we did much of that towards the end... that was "game time").

But I also stopped feeling like i was second place. To a :cough cough: video game.

And I learned how to make my own fun, and re-connect with old friends.

I suppose life always moves forward, even when you aren't ready.

So this is my life.

As a first post, I thought I should start off by introducing myself and giving a background of my life.


You can call me Sassy. My friends do, but not as a nickname... more as a warning whispered in my ear when I'm talking to a total sleaze at the bar.

Me: "I'm sorry, did you just introduce yourself as Prince Charming? That is so incredibly cute in a you-are-so-greasy-you-make-me-want-to-vomit kind of way. Does that actually work on any female? Aww. I didn't think so." ::flutters eyelashes sweetly::
My friends: "Ahem... Sassy? Sassy! SIMMER DOWN."

When I go out with my female friends.. that's who I want to be talking to. So please don't come over and expect me to be nice to you when you've clearly interrupted a fascinating all-female conversation. Thank you.

But that's a little beside the point.

Me. I obviously have a little flair for sass, but I'm also quite sweet. I'm an attractive girl, with varied interests. So we've got the sassy, why the single?

I wonder the same thing myself... :wink:

Actually, as with most of the "single" bloggers, I imagine we've all just gotten out of longish relationships and are ready to try out something new.

My long-time ex is a man who I would love to nickname something horrendous, but don't have it in me, so we'll call him Warcraft for fairly obvious reasons that I'll delve into in a later post. Warcraft and I split up a few months ago. Been single ever since!

You have to be wondering about "stupefied". Honestly, I couldn't have chosen a better word for the my life at this moment. It perfectly describes how my life has gone from secure and goal-oriented to lost in space after college graduation. There's a million options and none all at the same time.

I'm going to wrap up this post, cuz I'm not sure how long these look and I want to check out my posting to see how it all works. :grin: